Sometimes I could barely understand my own psyche. Sometimes my mind’s saying “it’s okay”, but my heart says otherwise. Emotions can really cloud me up and I go berserk. I hate it when that happens.
It’s okay Cianne. They’re just friends. They’re just talking normal stuff. He loves you. He’ll never do anything stupid to hurt you.
I tell that to my absurd self.
I’m tired of being jealous. I’m tired of telling myself ‘it’s okay’. I’m tired of acting foolish. It hurts though. It really does. Some find being jealous over small insignificant matters dense. But it’s not. When you start to get upset and emotions crawl up on you and tears make their way out of your eyes, whatever it is and no matter how petty it can be, it’s hurting you. And yes, it’s something you should start thinking about.
But I love him so much that every time he merely looks at any girl who passes by, or simply talks to anyone I get jealous right away. It’s not cute. Yes, it’s hurting me. But it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be acting like that.
I trust him. And whatever we have now is more than enough to keep us always together. I wouldn’t let my stupid jealous self and whatnot shatter that.
I feel sorry. I know somehow he’s hurt too. And that’s the last thing I would want to happen.
Oh my stupid jealous self, you silly in love. Can you just act normal and stop hurting?
whenpeopledontcare 
November 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I would say the main problem here Cianne rests within yourself. You must be a little insecure. You have to allow life to flow and if it doesn’t always go your way then that is something you need to get to grips with and accept. Your love for the guy may not prevent him wandering off if he is that way inclined and there isn’t anything you can do about it for if you attempted to it might push him away anyway. Just be yourself and let the relationship develop or not as the case may be. If it is right for you to be together then that’s what will happen but don’t try to force it and don’t worry about what other people are saying. If he is two timing you will know soon enough and then you can decide what to do.
Shirley Anne x
November 11, 2012 at 3:22 am
I might be a little insecure. You’re right. But I’m starting to learn to not let these stupid emotions get the most of me. Thanks much for your beautiful words Shirley Anne. ‘preciate it 😀
November 10, 2012 at 11:39 am
It’s okay Cianne, the words you say to yourself have such poignancy, I can see some hard poetry in there. Jealousy is a hard thing to deal with, in either direction, I hope reading your own words helps you understand your mind and make space for the good.
Jim
November 11, 2012 at 3:23 am
Reading my own words sure does help me understand myself better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Jim! 😀